I’m proud to say that after years of working on our relationship and our communication my wife and I operate largely from a relationship-centered orientation. We have a deep respect for each other and value what the other wants. Whenever possible, we find ways to operate in our mutual best interest and find collaborative solutions. We’re a team.
Of course, as the book details, there are plenty of other times when other-orientations are perfectly appropriate and I think that we use them judiciously. There are times, for example, when the stress in our lives is higher than usual and being accommodating is better. This other centered orientation is a way to support the other person and not add to the bad situation.
My orientation is less consistent in relationships other than my marriage. Particularly in business relationships I’ve operated from all of the orientations. Conflict in the professional world has always been very stressful for me. I’ve mainly had strong and productive work relationships where conflict has been handled assertively. But the few difficult relationships have impacted me on a much deeper level. In those situations I’ve been either avoidant and other-centered or passive-agressive and self-centered.
One of my greatest hopes for this class is to come out of it with tools for operating better in future similar situations.
Hello, AnnaBeth!
ReplyDeleteI am happy to hear that you have such a respectful and functional relationship with your wife. :) I find that in my personal relationships, I too tend towards an accommodating form of communication when stressed is involved. I find that supporting the other person rather than trying to pry is most helpful in a bad situation. It's hard for me, however, because I feel like I want to help, but I can't. But, sometimes it's better to just be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. I also agree that work situations can be complicated, and I use different forms of communication styles. For example, if it's a person of authority, I tend to be nonassertive and submissive. If it's a peer, I tend to be a bit more assertive and voice my opinions.
Hi AnnaBeth,
ReplyDeleteWhen you referred to the relationship-centered orientation I like that you used the word “team”. I think that that form of communication is a team effort, and I think that is why it was one of the more effective orientations. You are able to compromise and help your guys relationship. You brought up a point that I didn’t really consider, which was the business world and how you approach issues different. I think in the business world I am more nonassertive. I don’t want to argue with my superior’s so I give in and don’t correct them. I think I do this more over fear, because I don’t want to look like I am a no it all. However, I feel that I am only harming myself, because I am not coming off as a strong individual which isn’t a good leadership quality.
Overall, good post. It made me analyze things differently.