Pick one concept from the reading this week and discuss it in detail. Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.
I found the concept of the chilling effect to be very interesting and an apt description of something I have experienced in personal relationships. The differentiation between the chilling effect and the confrontation avoidance cycle is helpful for me in recognizing that I am not exactly a conflict avoider in the larger sense.
In relationships where the communication is generally easy and certainly not threatening I have very little problem with broaching the subject of a conflict. Of course there are many worth while relationships where the communication is not completely easy, but the value I placed in it compelled me to make the effort. It has been my less healthy relationships where I have fallen in to the cycle of the chilling effect.
This is particularly true of some of my relationships when I was much younger and more insecure. I think that I fell victim to the concept of being in love with love; I valued some relationships for their mere existence as opposed to the relationship being valuable and rewarding to those in it. There was a sense of scarcity that compelled me to try and preserve what I had rather than leave myself open for something better to come along.
Fortunately, growing older and more self assured has helped me break those habits for the large part.
Hey AnnaBeth,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting! I have also experienced the chilling effect as you described as well as seen it happen in many interpersonal relationships. I think there is an expression that alludes to the idea that whoever cares less in a relationship usually has the most power. That's a scary concept, but it essentially creates the chilling effect. We allow ourselves to believe that if there is any conflict at all the other person will just walk away, convinced that that would be the worst thing in the world we remain in the relationship enduring the conflict internally. So unhealthy, yet many of us have experienced this in one form or another. Maybe we can now be more aware of it and even prevent it from happening!
**Kenzie Marie
Thank you Anna for such a wonderful post. I myself have also experienced this as well when I like you was younger. My insecurities often got the best of me in such relationships where I found it hard to communicate and let myself and my feelings be known to the other person. The chilling effect has probably affected a lot of other people as well and its sad that people, like the comment above explained, endure it instead of standing up for themselves. It took me a while but I definitely matured and became someone who could face such conflict and allow myself to be treated only with respect and not let others be rude to me without me first standing up for myself.
ReplyDelete