Final Week - Post 3

This semester was all about putting a puzzle together that was built out of common sense. Most everything that we covered was straightforward and simple - but very powerful once it’s all put together. For instance, we all know that stress can influence how we handle conflict, but breaking it down in to eustress, hyperstress and distress clarifies exactly the different degrees. I’m sure that most people in our class have witnessed a relationship (theirs or someone else’s) dissolve because the way it handled conflict, but looking at constructive and destructive conflict cycles can help us understand precisely how it happened. We were also give simple advice to help us make informed decisions in future conflicts, like using the S-TLC system and how a collaborative approach to problem solving can create the best outcomes. I found the break down of intangible vs tangible issues to be very valuable too because I now have a better sense about how to approach these issues differently Finally, I really benefited from broadening my view of conflict. It is reassuring to recognize how I regularly negotiate conflict on a regular basis, it gave me a sense of what differentiates those instances from the conflicts that had give me a sense of dread. Using the tools from our class, I can initiate conflict in a healthier way and help control the process and the outcomes.  Our class organized all of these things together so that they made sense and will be easy to remember, even in the “heat of the moment”.

Last week - post 2

It’s very hard to pick one thing that I liked most about our class, at least from the text. It’s a very interesting topic overall, and one that I think is critically important. The different topics we covered are all pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, they support one another but all have a vital role in creating the whole picture. So, rather than a particular topic, I would have to say that doing the workshop project was the most worthwhile. I chose such a specific focus group, foster families, that I suppose it ended up being rather focused on the parenting dynamic, but I feel strongly that it is a key factor in conflict among families. I felt that I was really able to synthesize the very disparate sources. Most of all, that project has a real world application which I’m excited to see about having offered through santa clara county social services. Of course I also love that the class is offered online, it has been a hectic semester with not one but two newborn foster babies placed with me (one left to be with extended family). Online classes let me continue my education while still being the best parent I can be.

As for what I liked least, I do have the sense that online classes take more work than in person classes. When all of your classes are online this can really add up. It feels like a tax that is applied to online students, and a lot of online students are drawn to this forum because of extraordinary outside commitments. That said, the effort is worth it because that extra effort equates to additional information learned. I think the class used a great text that was filled with clear, useful information.

Thanks to everyone for a great semester!

Last Week - Post 1

I think that a big part of the negative perception of conflict comes from narrowing our definition to the situations where it is not handled competently. Redefining conflict more broadly has certainly helped change my view of conflict so I would imagine that others might experience the same affect when they learn more about it too. This is supported by the feedback I received from my workshop attendees. 4 of the people have told me since how they are applying the tools in their lives and one described her new outlook on conflict as a huge weight lifted off of her.

The trouble is that conflict management skills are not taught broadly enough. These skills have real world practically for absolutely everyone. Conflict is an inevitable part of life, I don’t understand why conflict management shouldn’t be part of public school curriculum. Everyone runs in to someone with poor conflict management skills at some point in their life if not quite frequently and I think we build up an aversion to dealing with conflict. It can also be a sensitive matter, tied-up in face saving and it’s hard to be objective and not defensive. Essentially, our society, as it stands, is set up to be a harmful conflict environment and as a culture we often deride the components of a nurturing conflict environment as being soft, sissy or hippy-dippy. Even I’m guilty of this sometimes. I feel that I’m much more open to it now though.