What I found the most interesting this week was the very definition of forgiveness, “letting go of feelings of revenge and desire to retaliate”. In my experience, forgiveness is often conflated with reconciliation, which is when “we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness”. In my life, I’ve been accused of being unforgiving, like in the situation I described a few posts ago where I explained how I lost trust in my former fiancé when he cheated on me.
Several mutual acquaintances believed that I was in the wrong for ending the relationship, but I knew that I couldn’t rebuild trust in that situation. But I did forgive him, at least eventually. That our friends told me they felt that I was unforgiving led me to see myself as such. I’ve thought of myself a very forgiving person in the past - but being perceived as unforgiving in that situation brought it in to question. Was I only forgiving up to a certain point?
Reading about the distinction between the two helps clarify my self-perception. As the book states, we may not want to reconcile, “particularly if the offender is likely to violate again”. Given that Sean as cheated again and again, I feel confident I made the right decision. But I did forgive him, there’s nothing in me that wants revenge or needs to retaliate.
I also thought the book's definition of forgiveness was interesting. I had never heard it defined as the letting go of vengeful thinking. It definitely makes sense though because when we hold grudges we secretly are wanting the person to suffer just like we did. Even if we are not the ones to "return the favor" and make them suffer, we still hope that some gets them back. Forgiveness is about relinquishing that desire for them to be hurt and moving on with our lives. Revenge really doesn't solve anything. It only further complicates the situation. I enjoyed reading your post!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your topic for this week’s post. Forgiveness is a very interesting thing. I feel that is something most people over look. I just learned from reading how the actually definition talks about letting go of the feeling of revenge and retaliation. I strongly feel that is something most people forget. Some people may say they forgive someone but still feel the need to go out and commit revenge. In your case I also have to ask if forgiveness has certain levels. I also wonder if I can forgive but only up to a certain point? Thanks for posting this I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteHello Annabeth Patel, great job with your post this week. I thought you answered the question really well. You discussed how forgiveness involves letting go of feelings of revenge and retaliation. This is something I am currently struggling with. I am trying to forgive someone in my life but I just cannot shake the feelings of wanting to retaliate and make them feel the way I do. I think it has to do with the fact that I don’t believe they are sincere with their apology and commitment to reconciliation. I think because I don’t believe their apology and feel they will hurt me again I am unable to forgive. I don’t think you were unforgiving in your situation, I think you just needed some time.
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