I’m definitely not an anger-out, that behavior goes against what I consider acceptable treatment of others. Mostly I’m an anger-controller but I must admit to sometimes being an anger-in. I usually prefer to sit with something that has made me angry and mull it over. It keeps me from flying off the handle, which was what a saw a lot of growing up, and vowed not to do in my adult life. Most of the time that will help me come to terms with the issue and I’m no longer angry. Other times I recognize it as a real issue that needs to be addressed and I can come at the issue at a time and place where a more productive and less hostile interaction can take place.
Other times I misread how I’ve processed the issue and there is something left that ends up festering. As the book says, I end up having a hard time admitting I’m angry. Often I know it’s something that shouldn’t be a big deal or bother me and so I tell myself that it isn’t and doesn’t. At this point I usually take a ventilation approach and call up my best friend to talk it out. Other times, when I’m less conscious of the issue, I may act passive aggressively. In my relationship with my wife, this usually leads to me getting called out for that and me “losing the argument” because I lost the moral high ground when I retaliated. Thankfully, our issues and disagreements are almost always very small and blow over very quickly.
I agree completely with how you approach situations of anger. I am usually the type of person to keep it in, but sometimes don't use it in the most productive ways like you do. I commend you for being able to hold it together till it is the right time and the right place to approach something. Relationship arguments are hard to deal with something because one can think of it as a win a loose situation. Being able to have an understanding with each other is nice to have.
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