At this point in my life, and until I’ve finished grad school and my little ones are school-aged, is being a full time wife and mom. Trust me, it’s a lot of very wonderful and rewarding, but nonetheless exhausting, work. Coupled with school, it frequently out-does the level of stress I experienced in my child-free working days.
It’s funny that the best way to implement the first solution for me is to switch between my two responsibilities and embrace that one fully at the time. When I can’t concentrate on school work, it’s probably time to take the kids to the park and chase them around. When I feel that I haven’t and adequate adult and intellectual interactions, it’s time to engage in the class discussions. Of course, it would also be a good idea to occasionally hire a sitter, take the night off from school work and go out to dinner or catch a movie.
The second solution is easily applied to the role of parenting. I already do it for it’s own sake - but that is easily forgotten among all the stress. I simply need to remind myself to slow down and enjoy giving the kids the fun and attention that they’re craving. If their needs are met in the first place they’ll be more likely to let me attend to my school work too. As for school work, I can approach my communications classes as interesting subjects where I have a valid opinion to share, rather than consider it some onerous task each week. For the most part, I do this already, but when I’m experiencing hyperstress, it’s easy to forget.
My experience with Buddhist meditation had already taught me about the third solution. I do recognize that pleasure and pain coexist in all of our experiences. Essentially, suffering is is based on our attachment to a desire, a thing that brings us pleasure. While a strict Buddhist would try to free his or herself from those conditions, I find it sufficient to recognize them and be at peace with them. It's part of how I look at everything in my life.
This was a great post. It takes a lot to have as many responsibilities as you do. You must have a lot of patience, perseverance, determination and love. I respect how you admit how you must embrace everything as one. You seem to have a great handle on what your daily responsibilities are and how you need to manage them to be most effective in all areas of your life. I like how you are relating parenting your “play”. I am not a parent myself but I can somewhat understand how much “work “it can be to help kids grow and stay active. It can become very stressful but because they are your children you have a deeper connection and are able to relate parenting to play.
ReplyDeleteAnnaBeth,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to really have a great system to handle your challenges! I know a few people who are in school and raising their children and they always tell me that the hardest thing for them is finding time in between for themselves to have real “adult time,” like you mentioned, getting a sitter is a good solution for that. When it comes to meeting the needs of your kids to get them to give you some free time, that is a great theory. Otherwise they will always need something from you! Your experience with Buddhist meditation is probably the one thing that really helps relax you! It seems like you really have a great grasp and understanding of your life.