Week 2 - Question 2

After reading Chapter 2 in its entirety, answer the following question: In what ways do you take a non-process view of communication, relationships, or conflict?  How can you change your thinking? 

When it comes to conflict, I have a tendency to avoid two of the six steps in the process view: Step 2, Tell the person “We need to talk.” and Step 6, Follow up on the solution: Set a time limit for reevaluation. I feel that in both cases this avoidance stems from a desire to downplay the severity of the conflict.

In regards to step 2, I find myself concerned that any advance notice prolongs the tension of the situation. I absolutely see the benefit of creating a time and space where a conflict can be addressed without distraction; but I have a history of staying quiet about an issue until I find myself in those circumstances rather than setting an appointment to talk about it. In many instances this is fine, and it lends itself to a sense of casualness and spontaneity that avoids a build up of tension before the discussion. It is probably the best practice for me to begin any such interaction by at least confirm that the time is indeed appropriate.

In order to address this issue I feel that the number one shift I need to make is in my perception of conflict. I have wrongly defined conflict as only those situations that are handled poorly. By recognizing that the larger number of situations that have been handled with ease are also conflicts I can let go of the anxiety that surrounds the concept for me. 

I also agree with our book’s authors that it’s important to let a person know what the discussion will be about at this step. I notoriously worry about these types of situations when I don’t know what the concern is ahead of time. Of course, I can control this is of course when I initiate conflict, but it may be helpful for me to ask when someone initiates with me.

I have avoided step 6 for a similar reason. When a conflict is addressed, it has seemed appropriate to let it be in the past. I haven’t wanted to breathe new life in to the issue by bringing it up after the conflict. I feel that it will be key for all parties involved to agree to revisiting of the issue at a set time. I simply don’t have a precedent for how that is done and so it feels awkward. Certainly in a very formal disagreement or in a structured environment such as a workplace I can see a future meeting on the issue being scheduled. However, in close interpersonal relationships this feels very foreign to me. I think it will require some time for me to find a way to incorporate this idea. I’m really looking forward to a future chapter that provides me with more tools for making this part of my communication.